by Glenn Beck
June 20, 2009
Editors Note: We at the Chronicle would like to encourage you to visit a site that we believe can help us all during this tough times. The site is called “Face Your Storm.com
Each week we will bring to you stories from the readers in their own words, from this site. We hope that you will visit this site and tell your story in your words.
Everyone goes through storms in life. Whether they are brought on by personal decisions, or thrust upon us by circumstances beyond our control, the storm isn’t what defines us. The way we battle in the storm and eventually come out on the other side is our defining movement.
This site is for you. A place for you to share stories your personal storms and how you have made it through.
Your story, our story could help provide some semblance of shelter to others as their storms rage.
Here is an example of stories that will appeal on this site:
I feel very compelled to share with you how your book has helped me. I read it a few weeks ago. I’ve been very reluctant to share this with you. But I haven’t shared this with a single soul. It’s an internal battle I’ve been facing for about a year now.
Up until I read the part of your book where Eddie’s mom died in the car accident, I have laid in my bed every night contemplating killing myself. Every night I thought about how and when I would do it the next day. I was convinced that everybody I care about would be better off if I no longer existed. I knew they would be sad at first. But I thought that in time, it would be a better situation for everybody if I was out of the equation.
If you were to see me every day in passing, you would think I’m a relatively happy person. I’m cheerful. I smile. I say hi. But on the inside I couldn’t wait to get away from whoever I was forced to talk to. I was afraid they would see that I’m weak. It’s like an extra job. I was always calculating what and how to act around people. I don’t ever complain. I tried so hard to appear normal and happy in order to avoid the possibility that somebody might know, and potentially prevent my plan.
I’ve been a very irresponsible woman. I’m 25. I have 3 children: An 8 year old son, a 6 year old son, and a 6 month old daughter. I’ve never been married. And none of my children have the same father. I’ve been getting food stamps, medical, and daycare on and off throughout their lives. My parents are good parents. They did not raise me this way. They didn’t invest thousands of dollars for good schooling for me to waste it the way I did. I know that I disappointed them.
After I had my second son at 19, I wanted to get my life in order. I became a positive person. I read a bunch of motivational books. I wanted to give my boys a good life. I wanted to be a good example for them. I had to make up for the fact that I couldn’t give them the traditional family setting they deserved. I found a good job. I went back to school. I thought I was doing better than a lot of people my age who didn’t even have kids (the ego that almost killed me). I was on my own, off assistance, and felt victorious. But since I was still a selfish person at the time, it eventually all came crashing down. Of nobody’s fault but my own, I failed, miserably.
Drowning in my self-pity, the thoughts started to come. And as crazy as it sounds, the thought of killing myself was almost like a relief. I just really believed it would solve everybody’s problems. I didn’t think I deserved to live. I didn’t think I was worth the havoc I caused on everybody else.
THEN I irresponsibly became pregnant. AGAIN. By another guy I knew would not be there. With no means to support this baby. Everybody insisted I get an abortion. Everybody was so angry with me. But nowhere near as angry as I was with myself. The father disappeared (literally) when I was 6 months pregnant. I was so angry with everybody who told me not to have her, I wouldn’t let anybody in the room when I gave birth. I shut everybody out. I isolated myself. I didn’t want to hear ‘I told you so’.
For the first time, I will admit that it has been very hard taking care of 3 kids by myself. My pride won’t let me admit it to anybody I love. But it has been. Typing these words is bringing tears to my eyes. These children have the deck stacked so much against them due to MY NEGLECT. I lost hope Glenn. I thought I would never be able to give them a good life. That I was incapable of doing something good with their lives. I tried before, twice, and I failed (which was all my fault), and ultimately gave up trying.
I considered myself to be a glitch in the system. A burden and a disgrace to everybody who did it the right way. I was ashamed that I had another baby, out of wedlock with no way to support her. I accepted defeat. I made up my mind that there was no hope. Every night I decided that the next day would be the day. I figured my parents were still young enough to raise my kids, and they could do it better than I could. I thought that the ONLY chance my kids had would have was if I was gone.
Then you came back on the radio here. I had never heard your radio show before that. But you’re different than the rest of the talk radio guys. Sometimes I think you’re talking to ME. Sometimes. I didn’t cry after I had my baby. I sucked it up. Until one day you said something, I can’t remember what. And it all came out that day. I was in my car. I had to pull over. I cried. Hard.
I purchased The Christmas Sweater a few weeks ago.
I read it. I identified with the description of your mother. The way she loved you. The way she wanted the best for you. The way her world revolved around you. When she died in the car accident, something happened inside of me. It struck a chord. Hard. I found it to be so very unfortunate. So unfair. I’m deeply sorry for your loss. You mention in the end that she passed shortly thereafter.
How you describe the way it affected Eddie changed the way I felt. The mental picture of my 8 year old son as Eddie occurred throughout the entire book. It broke my heart to think of the cross he would bear if I took my life. So much that I felt terrible for considering it. It opened my eyes. Thank God.
Honestly Glenn, if I had not read that book, I don’t know if I’d still be here.
Your book helped me realize that I am the single most important person in this universe to those 3 children. I appreciate my life so much now. I regret how much I took it for granted before. If I would’ve wasted my second chance, my kids may have never had a first chance. Your words on that radio restore that hope in me. You are different than the rest.
I don’t want to sound any more irrational than I already have, but in lots of ways, you saved my life. More importantly, you saved my children’s mother. I’m just one person. But I’m positive, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I am one of many Glenn.
I thought you deserved to know how MUCH The Christmas Sweater impacted my life. And more importantly, the lives of my children. Thank you so much Glenn.
Source: Face Your Storm
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